Monday, 9 January 2012

jan 8, 2012

today, i had a conversation with a friend about the difficulty of making peace. we sat in a coffee shop with kids playing on the floor around us, and the light pouring in through the windows. everything was melting and dripping and bright. it was warm for a winter day in canadia, and we were surrounded by this vibrant energy as we talked about losing people who were important to us. it was a striking contrast to sit in that bright warmth and talk about loss and endings. it felt like exuberance duking it out with stagnation. life vs death. a bit surreal.

the difference in our two situations is that my friend wants to resolve things and has made overtures to that effect, and i don't. or at least i don't think i can. it's my instinct to stay as far away from the person as possible for as long as possible. in my situation, an ongoing peace between us seems unlikely with all the accumulated baggage. my gut says hold that line, keep that distance. and's always a little more complicated than singular instinct, isn't it?

obviously, i've been thinking a lot about mending lately, and it occurred to me today that sometimes the most mendful thing to do in a conflict is to let go completely; to stop expecting and interacting and let your illusions and upsets settle like silt. feelings can run their course more quickly that way and, through a process of letting everything shift and rot and fall away and recombine, the experience has the room to become something else. peace? calm? forgiveness? understanding? maybe. ideally. i guess what i'm wondering is whether making peace is always a thing you do with others. maybe you can build it in the space that's created by no longer engaging.

1 comment:

  1. I think no longer engaging is the first step toward peace. It doesn't always lead there, but it can. The lack of engagement allows for the calming of riled emotions, and for the time to properly observe a situation, points of view, feelings... There's no harm in taking a step back, even a prolonged one. Let the flood waters recede, let the land become dry and firm. Some people need tangible peace NOW, but if you're comfortable with taking the long way, why not?