feb 21, 2012

the experience of doing falling open has been hard on my body. i think, partly, because it's such an emotional thing to perform. the play is about sexual abuse and, while only part of it is my own personal story (part is fiction and other parts are taken from a number of other people's stories, as well as from my book-based research), it's a very involved performance. i've noticed that i feel a pull to be totally present throughout the show, even if my energy is low. i dredge whatever energy i have to bring to it. i feel committed to this project in a way i haven't been before, and that has benefits and costs, i suppose.

one of the costs of the show? the last few days, my body has been locked up and tense and sore - unbelievably so. pain was radiating from my neck all the way down to my wrist on my right side. heat and massage and other stop-gap things that i was doing were only bring temporary relief. i was wincing with pain whenever i made sudden movements. so, today, i decided that i was going to visit the chiropractor and get some of the kinks out of my back and neck.

you wouldn't believe how much my spine moved during the adjustment. it was like the power went back on in my head. i could move my neck again - fully, from side to side. my pelvis felt like it was in a better position. she adjusted my jaw and one of my ribs. i can breathe past my chest now. i feel more; i feel better and more open in my body. i feel more open in general. softer. it's amazing how much emotion can get you out of whack. how much the body can start reflecting thought and emotion. i thank you dr. g for mending me today. it felt good to send some tlc my body's way after all that has moved through it these past few weeks. ♥

one of the benefits of the show? i'm having the most beautiful conversations about it and receiving amazing letters. one woman wrote me last week to say that, after seeing the show, she got up the courage to confront her abuser. she said she wouldn't have had the courage otherwise. i've heard from others who have taken other (perhaps less dramatic?) steps to heal the past or themselves or their relationships. it's so beautiful to hear those things. i'm reminded that art is powerful. thank gawd we have it in our lives. i know the costs are worth it. beauty is never perfect, after all. never without its difficulties.