as a freelance writer and editor and artist and community organizer, i don't claim much downtime. it seems like there's always something to do...nay, many many somethings i should do. it's gotten to the point where it feels normal to have demands on me every minute that i'm not sleeping. but, do you know what? i've been thinking lately that this is a crappy reality that needs my immediate attention; an immediate shift. it's something that needs to change. boundaries, folks. boundaries. they are wonderful things.
a few months back, i took a free, online energy audit: how much energy i have, what gives me energy, where i'm putting my energy. the results were scary. 16 out of 20 questions showed that my life habits were breaking down rather than building up my energy. the results further informed me that an energy crisis is imminent in my life. i don't disagree.
there are sooooo many demands. my brain is babysitting each of them at any given time: love, dynamics, work, money, goals, deadlines. it's hard to be disciplined enough to pull back from these demands and just be. to turn off my responses to everything, relax and go into my own world.
as i was unpacking my books tonight, it occurred to me that disappearing into some non-required reading that's purely for pleasure used to be one of the main ways i relaxed. for whatever reason, it's something that i haven't done much of lately.
i decided to change that. i dug out a book by isabel allende that i meant to read last summer. as i sat there, happily gulping down the story, i actually physically felt my brain knit itself back together and regroup from the myriad directions it had galloped off in since i woke up. this is the first step in what will, i'm sure, be a multi-stage process toward being more respectful of all my human needs: food, rest, recreation and the like.
other triumphs of may 18th: i took a 45-minute bath in the middle of a hectic day in order to ease a tension headache and accepted that my apartment would not be clean or organized before i left town for the weekend. bonus points on the latter because i trusted my friend, who was catsitting for me not to judge me about it. hell yeah.
I used to read a lot more than I do now, and I'm trying really hard to remedy that. Now that it's finally nice out, I go have a sit on my terrace with a coffee some mornings and have a wee read there, even if it is just for twenty or so minutes. Our world is just rushing at a crazy pace and we get pulled in so many directions, it can be hard to justify quiet you-time sometimes without feeling guilty. A lot of our 'have to's and 'should's really aren't that set in stone when we stop to look at them though.
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