march 27, 2012

i had a big aha moment tonight. i was walking home from an AHHMAZING(!) workshop on erotic memoir writing with the illustrious and illuminating susie bright. while i was waiting on a street corner for the traffic light to change, i reached down and fiddled with one of the buttons on my shirt (seen to the left), which looked a bit loose to me. then, starting from the top, i fiddled with each one in turn and realized that they were all a little bit loose. i took note and decided that would be my mending for tonight.

i chose a light brown for the mending thread. you can see in the photo below that it's made a pretty nice blend between chocolate brown and a sort of mud brown. reminds of chocolate peanut butter ice cream, actually :)

but, to get back to our story: after i fiddled with the buttons was when it happened. THE AHA MOMENT. i've started to pre-mend things - which is to say mending preventatively rather than catching up with the damage after it's already been done. it hit me again as i looked down at the cane in my hand. i realized, "wow, i'm pre-mending." i'm totally doing that thing that, just 10 days ago, i mused about the first time in a mending for others post.

for the past week, i've mostly been using a cane when i venture out. not because i always need to use it, but because i'm being preventative about pain, swelling and overuse. it's like what street dancer and disability activist bill shannon says in his pop tech talk: "throughout the day, i'm sipping at how much i can use my joints[s]." (by the by, this pop tech talk is a super-interesting discussion of degrees of disability and sociological beliefs about visible but less severe disabilities that allow for some assistance-free mobility, such as walking or jumping, etc.)

i see using a cane as a way of preventing the need to mend my body as much or as often. instead of lying in wait for bad days - which tend to come after excessive stress or walking - i accept this physical, tangible, ongoing support. i use this tool that helps me "sip" at my capacity for activity throughout the day. it's been helping with mobility and longevity during this acute phase of healing my ankle, hip and back misalignment. what it comes down to is that i'm preventatively managing damage with my cane. aka i'm pre-mending. i fucking love aha moments - don't you?