Sunday, 22 April 2012

april 22, 2012

tonight, i had a bit of revelation. nothing humungous, but it spread over me like a can of spilled paint. sort of thick and slow. it had weight to it.

at the time, i was sitting on a folding chair with my eyes closed and chanting a mantra. (hari om, if you're curious about which one.) as i was chanting, i was busy thinking about whether i would write about this on my blog tonight and, if so, what aspect of it. then i realized that i was cheating. i was reaching into my experience, even before i was done *having* it, and raiding it for writing material. i was trying to have A DEEP EXPERIENCE. essentially, i was trying so hard to hear that i couldn't listen.

the sneaky little revelation? it was a sentence that scrolled across my mind in the very next moment: listen so you can hear. a spaciousness opened up in my mind that felt like a physical widening, and i could think really clearly. perspective. a lack of worry. this, right now, and nothing else. this voice, this vibration, the insides of my eyelids. the opportunity to remember that mystery is a good thing. that life is wonder, and that being left wondering isn't actually a bad thing.

i've had this realization before, and i'll probably forget and rediscover it another hundred times before my life is through. that's the irony. but i don't mind. this is the science experiment of human existence, right? you test the same hypotheses, use the same bits of wisdom in multiple relationships, eras and environments. trying, always, to listen so you can hear. so you can be here.

1 comment:

  1. We're so pressed in this modern world to worry and obsess about the future, about tomorrow, about what we should be doing later, that we sometimes lose hold of the NOW. You just rediscovered your now :)