Sunday, 22 April 2012
april 22, 2012
at the time, i was sitting on a folding chair with my eyes closed and chanting a mantra. (hari om, if you're curious about which one.) as i was chanting, i was busy thinking about whether i would write about this on my blog tonight and, if so, what aspect of it. then i realized that i was cheating. i was reaching into my experience, even before i was done *having* it, and raiding it for writing material. i was trying to have A DEEP EXPERIENCE. essentially, i was trying so hard to hear that i couldn't listen.
the sneaky little revelation? it was a sentence that scrolled across my mind in the very next moment: listen so you can hear. a spaciousness opened up in my mind that felt like a physical widening, and i could think really clearly. perspective. a lack of worry. this, right now, and nothing else. this voice, this vibration, the insides of my eyelids. the opportunity to remember that mystery is a good thing. that life is wonder, and that being left wondering isn't actually a bad thing.
i've had this realization before, and i'll probably forget and rediscover it another hundred times before my life is through. that's the irony. but i don't mind. this is the science experiment of human existence, right? you test the same hypotheses, use the same bits of wisdom in multiple relationships, eras and environments. trying, always, to listen so you can hear. so you can be here.